Exploring Parent Coordination in Cases of Coercive Control or Abuse

Parent coordination is a process designed to assist separated or divorced parents in resolving conflicts related to co-parenting and child custody outside of court. It is most often used in high-conflict cases, where the parties are unable to communicate effectively and reach shared decisions in the children’s best interest. Parent coordinators are either mental health professionals or attorneys, who have specialized training to assist parents with communication and reduce conflict in many cases.

Sometimes as the neutral third party, they can weigh in to break the impasse on certain issues so that decisions can be made more quickly than in court or formal mediation, however, its appropriateness and efficacy in situations involving coercive control or abuse are subject to scrutiny and debate. Let's delve into the complexities of parent coordination in these challenging circumstances.

Understanding Coercive Control and Abuse:

Coercive control refers to a pattern of behavior used by one partner to dominate, intimidate, and manipulate the other in an intimate relationship. This behavior may include isolation, threats, surveillance, and psychological manipulation, aimed at establishing power and control over the victim. Abuse, whether physical, emotional, or psychological, can have devastating effects on victims and their children, perpetuating cycles of trauma and dysfunction.

Oftentimes, the depths of the abuse are not fully brought to light in an initial custody or divorce proceeding. Many people will try to avoid a protracted and costly court case hoping that once the case has settled the acrimony between the parties will subside. While this is generally the experience most parents will have, this is not true for high-conflict cases.

Challenges in Parent Coordination:

In cases involving coercive control or abuse, parent coordination faces significant obstacles that may compromise its effectiveness:

1. Power Imbalance: Coercive control dynamics often involve a profound power imbalance between the parties, with one exerting undue influence and control over the other. This power dynamic can undermine the ability of the victim to advocate for his/her interests and make informed decisions during parent coordination sessions.

2. Safety Concerns: Safety is paramount in cases of abuse or coercive control. The presence of ongoing abuse or the threat of retaliation may create an environment of fear and intimidation, making it difficult for victims to engage fully in the parent coordination process without risking further harm.

3. Manipulative Tactics: Perpetrators of coercive control may use parent coordination as a platform to perpetuate their abusive behavior, employing manipulative tactics to maintain control over the narrative and undermine the credibility of the victim. This can further exacerbate power imbalances and impede the pursuit of equitable outcomes. 

Critiques of Parent Coordination in Abuse Cases:

Critics argue that parent coordination may inadvertently perpetuate harm in cases of coercive control or abuse in these 3 ways:

1. Minimizing Abuse. Parent coordination processes that prioritize cooperation and conflict resolution may overlook or minimize the presence of abuse, failing to adequately address the safety and well-being of victims and their children.

2. Reinforcing Victim Blame: By emphasizing collaboration and shared decision-making, parent coordination may inadvertently reinforce societal norms that place responsibility on victims to mitigate conflict and accommodate the needs of their abusers.

3. Exacerbating Trauma: For victims of abuse, engaging in parent coordination sessions may retraumatize them, triggering distressing memories and feelings of vulnerability. The pressure to engage with an abusive ex-partner in a cooperative manner can compound the trauma and undermine the victim's sense of agency and autonomy.

On the other hand, those in support of Parent Coordination in cases involving abuse or coercive control would argue that a parent coordinator acts as a buffer for communications and can later become a witness in court if necessary. These sessions are often done remotely now, thereby alleviating the need for in-person interactions, and the parent coordinator can monitor the sessions and can step in to minimize the power imbalance or minimize the impact of negative behaviors by insisting on respectful communication and enforcing equal opportunities for both sides to be heard during the process.

In the end, there is a very delicate risk/reward analysis that each parent must discuss with counsel to decide if parent coordination is appropriate for that particular case. Remember, the primary goal is to provide a stable and supportive environment for your child. To further understand the pros/cons of this process, please contact our office to speak with a dedicated family law attorney. Our group of highly experienced attorneys is ready to help answer your questions and guide you through this process.